Over time, things slowly got better. I moved away to school and focused on my career aspirations. Golf faded to the background while I put my college education first and focused on my desires. The harsh feelings between my parents lessened at a snail’s pace, but I was fortunate to live further away and not around the situation on a day-to-day basis. There were tough battles at times, and I can remember the harsh words said between myself and my parents. To this day, I still recall the terrible conversations in my head like they happened yesterday and not years ago.
By the end of my Senior year in college, I started to get back into golf again. My renewed love of the game helped me grow closer to my father, and it made me realize that golf will always be a friend that I can count on throughout life. When some of the hardest moments happened at home, I tried to remember the good ones that took place on the golf course. Golf has always brought me joy, and to let it go, would only take away from something that has always made me happy.
Golf is what led me back to happiness, and in believing in love once again. The golf course was the location of where I was setup on a date with my future husband. The fond memories that I had of my parents, myself and my brother playing golf came rushing back to me. The pain of being disappointed in marriage lasting forever was replaced by joy and happiness. Golfing with my husband, gave me back the one thing I thought I lost when my parents divorced: hope in finding love with someone.
As time progressed, my husband and I grew closer and made wonderful new memories on the golf course together. The game of golf has now become something that we share, and a joy that we hope to relish in with our children someday. The hard memories of my past are there, but now, they have become ghosts in the background of what made me who I am today.
Like golf, life can take a course that we don’t always expect. While we may hit a pond, sand trap or go out of bounds, that doesn’t mean we give up. We try again, more humbled and focused on our future and making it better. The memories of bad shots fade, and are soon replaced with the good ones that keep us coming back to play. Golf is what led me to love, because it gave me the courage to try again, and not let my fear of being hurt dictate who I fall in love with. You cannot be afraid of where the course of life may lead you, because all that matters, is your ability to let go of your fears, and in not letting the pain of your past decide the outcome of your future.
However, there is one princess who has helped me through one of my hardest battles. She gave me the strength to finally face one of my fiercest emotional fights head on, and to not shield it from others. Here is my story on how a Disney princess saved me from depression.
My whole life, I struggled with rough bouts of anxiety, depression, and uncontrollable thoughts that wouldn’t stop racing. Certain events would trigger my anxiety, and in turn, I would face these rough patches of anxiety and depression. Throughout my high school and college years, I could fight these bouts off on my own, usually by keeping busy or by pushing my thoughts into other endeavors. I never gave these moments a name, because I was afraid to address it and admit that there was something off with me.
When I became a mom to my two little ones, my worries only got bigger and my hormones inevitably changed after being pregnant and giving birth. When I finally weaned my own year old off of breastfeeding, I didn’t realize it would also offset a force that I could not contain by myself. Simultaneously, during this rocky time, my two little ones formed a fascination with the movie, “Frozen.” It’s a story of a queen, named Elsa, who was born with cryokinesis powers, or the psychic ability to control the forces of cold weather.
In the movie, Elsa was taught to conceal her powers, to not feel them because no one knew how to understand or help her effectively control them. “Conceal it, don’t feel it, don’t let them show,” was her motto as she grew into a young woman and took her role as queen. Her struggle to acknowledge her powers, let people into her life, and to hide away from those who loved her made me realize that I am doing the same thing in my own life. I was scared of facing my anxiety and letting people know that I have this condition.
Watching Elsa face and accept her own identity, gave me the strength to seek help for my condition. I went to a doctor and I began to speak openly about my bouts of depression and anxiety with others. I never realized how many people had similar feelings, or that they also had to find outside help for it as well. I found comfort and relief in knowing that I wasn’t alone in feelings, especially after being pregnant.
Those I loved stood beside me, and showed me that their love will not go away, regardless of my condition. Love and openness is a beautiful thing; One that can lead you to finding happiness and relief with yourself. It may be scary to face your condition, but inevitably, it’s what will ultimately save you. As Elsa said at the end of the movie, “love will thaw.” She was right, because love will melt away your fears and give you the strength to win the war against depression, and it will finally set you free and make you whole again.
To say that I am honored would be an understatement, as after many years of trying to find freelance work, I finally found someone who is giving me a chance.
I wrote a proposal on the website called, Upwork.com (This is a merger of former freelance sites, oDesk and Elance) to someone who was looking for a writer/blogger of golf material for a website directed towards women. I wasn’t sure how many proposals got sent, but I put my best writing forward and hoped for the best.
A few days later, I was at my part-time office job when I got a pop-up message from my UpWork app; I wondered who was contacting me. My proposal caught the eye of the potential employer and they were interested in having ME write for them. I was over-the-moon and so happy that I could finally get my break, and I did.
There are a lot of freelancers out there that yearn for a chance to write about what they love (I mean, who wouldn’t want that opportunity)? I am only one little fish in a big pond of other fish that have more experience and even more talent. I would sell myself short as I was afraid to sound arrogant in my abilities. As I have gotten older, I am not afraid to do that anymore. I have to let my passion show through my writing, and if I can do that then the sky’s the limit for possibilities.
Someone finally saw my passion for both writing and golf, and gave me the chance to write an article about it. I will include the link below. Please feel free to leave me feedback and comments as I can only grow from them.
Article can be found here.
Enjoy and I hope that it can be a motivation to a try a sport that has meant so much to me.